


Wild Days

by Wild_Loony_99



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Anger Management, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Lesbian Relationship, Canon-Typical Violence, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Flashbacks, Gay Panic, Internalized Homophobia, Major Character Injury, No Lesbians Die, Panic Attacks, Post-Canon, Romantic Fluff, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 01:47:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28680588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wild_Loony_99/pseuds/Wild_Loony_99
Summary: It was a cold night. The former strangers were sitting on the sand, forming a small circle around the bonfire. No sound was utter. A deadly silence had befallen the group after the day thirty-one.In the midst of fear and chaos Shelby Goodkind and Toni Shalifoe were trying to hang on to each other.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 1
Kudos: 52





	Wild Days

**Author's Note:**

> Hello Wild People! 
> 
> This story deals with the aftermath of the shark attack, specially concerning Shelby and Toni. 
> 
> I kindly ask that if you enjoy this chapter, let me know in the comments so that I can continue the story. 
> 
> Have a wild week. 
> 
> W.L.

_ “Build a pile of old bones _

_ and burn away the shadows. _

_ Because from here on in, _

_ the shadows get deeper… _

_ …the nights get longer. _

_ We're heading into the dark, _

_ and we have to hang onto each other. _

_ So we can only carry so much.” _

It was a cold night. The former strangers were sitting on the sand, forming a small circle around the bonfire. No sound was utter. A deadly silence had befallen the group after the day thirty-one. 

Dot Campbell worked. The texan had managed to gather more items to their inventory. She chose to remain awake and working most of the time, only sleeping when she was extremely exhausted. Fatin Jadmani talked. The cellist followed Dot around, rambling about fashion and telling exocentric stories in order to avoid her own thoughts, while leaving the texan woman to tend to the work on her own. Leah Rilke fought. The student had felt the familiar obsessive tendencies threatening to overcome her several times, resorting to writing and casual conversations with Fatin in order to remain sane. Martha Blackburn cried. The Ojibwe had cried until her tears dried out. Then, the once sweet and optimistic young woman became quiet, choosing to tend to their work in a mechanical manner. Shelby Goodkind prayed. The hopeful texan resorted to prayers, as well as to hard work, in order to prevent her mind from processing the events that befell the former strangers during the last few days. Toni Shalifoe disappeared. The basketball player hardly spoke in the last few days, instead choosing to enter the woods before the sun had risen and returning after the sundown. Rachel Reid stared. The former diver gazed blankly into the ocean, without uttering a single word. Nora Reid rested. The quiet artistic savant rested six feet under the cold beach sand. She had inhaled her last breath during the day thirty-one, succumbing to the injuries she had sustained due to the shark attack. 

  
  


_**—** Y’all  _ know that in the old days… - Shelby started in a sympathetic tone, making a small pause to clean her throat. None of the others were paying attention to her, everyone was lost inside their own darkness, numbness and traumas. - I mean, the really old days. They used to build giant bonfires… And talk about the people they'd lost… Toss in offerings, to drive away evil spirits. - She continued in the same gentle tone. 

Dot gave Shelby a glance that meant that the cristian young woman should not bring up that subject, having experienced the traumatic death of her father Dot knew that Rachel, as well as the other young woman, were not prepared to deal with the loss of Nora. Fatin was curiously observing the scene, waiting for all hell to break loose. Leah was tense, worrying that Shelby´s words would cause Rachel to have a psychotic break. Martha gave Shelby an encouraging glance, oblivious to the possible violence implications of the texan´s words and genuine glad that they were talking about losing Nora.

In a sudden, almost aggressive move, Toni stood up and began walking fast towards the other side of the beach. Rachel remained gazing blankly into the ocean, not moving a single muscle. Shelby signed, standing up in order to find Toni. The basketball player had avoided her over the past two days, disappearing for hours in the woods. The young christian felt the cold sand against her feet while she walked towards the other side of the beach with only the full moon lighting guiding her path. Shelby arrived at the end of the beach, where huge stones were lying between the sea and the sand. Between the familiar sound of the water hitting against the rocks, the blonde heard muffled sounds coming from behind one of the stones, before she could even see the brunette´s silhouette. Suddenly, the young christian remembered a memory from day one on the island. 

_ “ _

_**—** Keep your ears peeled. You´ll hear moving water before you see it. - Shelby stated while they made their way into the woods for the first time. _

_ **—** _ _ How come you know all this? - Toni questioned.  _

_**—** This might surprise you, but I'm not… - Shelby purposely paused, turning around to face Toni with a playful smile on her lips, before facing the woods again. - Just a delicate indoor princess. - She continued with her back turned to Toni. - Ok? I go hunting with my dad all the time. - The young christian continued while walking. _

_**—** So you do one hardcore thing… - Toni started in a sarcastic tone, teasing her. - That doesn't mean you're not mostly an indoor princess. - The basketball player continued in the same tone. - How many pillows do you have in your bed? - The brunette sarcastically questions, earning a hidden nervous smile from Shelby. - I bet you got one of thoses mega beds with like fifty pillows! - Toni continued in the same sarcastic tone. - Your maid, Lupe, she's gotta keep taking them off and putting them back on and it's making her wanna off herself… Am I right? You know I'm right. - The basketball player finished sarcastically.  _

_**—** Well… I also shot a ten point buck, snapped its neck, finished the job and butchered him in the field all by myself. - Shelby stated in a gently defying tone, turning around to face Toni with the same playful smile on her lips. - God built us to contain multitudes, Toni. - The young christian continued in the same tone, as she observed the brunette´s clearly annoyed expression. Deciding to lighten the mood, Shelby got closer to the basketball player, putting both her hands on Toni's shoulders. - Can you turn around? Cause… I have to pee. - The young christian stated in a half amused half embarrassed tone. The statement caused Toni´s expression to change from annoyed to suprised. Shelby pressed her lips together, as she gently guided Toni´s shoulder so that the brunette would turn around. The brunette brought a hand to her lips while she faced the woods, blushing as she thought about the blonde´s statement. - Plug your ears. - Shelby stated in the same tone, while Toni turned around to face the young christian. Their eyes meet for a split of second. Caught off guard, Shelby´s eyes widened. - Plug your ears or I´ll have to sing. - She continued in the same half amused half embarrassed tone, gazing at Toni´s eyes while grabbing her pants waistband and squatting down at the grass in order to embarrass the brunette into turning around. Mesmerized, Toni turned around to face the woods while a slight of key Shelby sang a Christian song. - Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. - Toni rolled her eyes at the song, becoming annoyed once again.  _

_**—** Oh… You gotta be kidding me. - The brunette stated in an irritated tone.”  _

Shelby slowly approached the one stone which she had heard muffled sounds coming from.

_**—**_ Toni? - The young christian called in a sweet whisper. 

There were sniffing sounds while the blonde faced the brunette´s silhouette. Toni was sitting at the rock, with her knees pulled to her chest and her head resting against them. Shelby tried to walk closer to the brunette, being rudely interrupted. 

_**—**_ Why the fuck are you here? - Toni´s tone was aggressive, but her voice was trembling.

_**—**_ I… - Shelby started, a little taken back by the brunette´s words. The young christian quickly regained her trust and spoke firmly but gently. - I wanna talk to you. - The blonde slowly walked towards the basketball player, noticing the dry tears that had carved their ways into Toni's sunburned cheeks, while the brunette nervously pressed her lips together and gazed at the sand in order to avoid Shelby´s beautiful blue eyes. The young christian climbed the stone, sitting next to Toni. The blonde inhaled deeply before gently taking Toni´s cold and slightly wet right hand into her left one, entangling their fingers. Toni shivered due to Shelby's warm touch, slowly raising her gaze until she met the blonde´s piercing blue eyes. It took the basketball player a few seconds to understand the meaning of the young christian furrowed eyebrows, deep gaze and small smile. She was worried… About Toni? The brunette hardly had people worrying about her. - You know I´m here,  _ right _ ? Whatever you need. - Shelby spoke softly, in a heavy texan accent. A sudden knot formed in Toni's throat, and before the brunette could fully understand, the words were leaving her tongue. 

_**—**_ I´m  _ fucking _ scared. So  _ fucking _ scared, Shelby. - She started on a trembling voice, while new hot tears slowly ran down her cheeks. - I´m scared of hurting you… fucking it all up…. of us never making out of here…. I just… I'm scared of losing you. - She paused, sniffing and pulling herself together. Shelby caringly squeezed her hand. - Jeanette died. Nora died. Rachel… Rachel lost her fucking hand. It's like Dot said, we're all gonna die, Jeannette might have been the lucky one, the one that went out fucking quick and… 

_**—**_ Hey… - Shelby interrupted her, using her free hand to dry out the tears from Toni´s cheekbones. - You're not gonna lose me, alright? I'm not going anywhere… - She stated in a sure and gentle tone. - … And we´ll make it out of here, I know it. - The blonde continued in the same tone, even those she did not entirely believe in her own words. 

_**—**_ How? God'll rappel from a chopper and rescue us? - Toni questioned in a sarcastic tone, earning a gently disapproving look from Shelby. - Sorry if I was rude early… I just… Sometimes, I can't control it, but… I'm trying to. - The brunette genuinely stated, a smile appeared in Shelby´s lips. 

_**—**_ I know. - The blonde reassured her, still smiling. - It's that why you disappeared? - Shelby questioned in a gentle tone. 

_**—**_ You 're… important to me. - Toni started in an embarrassed tone, pausing to clear her throat. - And I didn´t wanna fuck things up with you… so I had to be alone. Sometimes alone is safer. When you are by yourself… you can only hurt yourself… I call that safer. - Toni continued in a more serious tone, while Shelby slowly nodded while gazing at her beautiful brown eyes.

_**—**_ Can I… - Shelby hesitantly started, clearing her throat. - Can I ask you something?... And you don't have to answer if you don't want to… Cause I get it if you´re not confo… - The young christian started rambling. 

_**—**_ Shelby. - Toni interrupted her in a soft tone, gazing at her blue eyes. - What is it? - Her tone remained soft and her brown eyes were locked with the blonde´s blues. 

_**—**_ That day… At the lychee´s tree… - The young christian hesitantly started once again, earning a dirty smile from Toni as the brunette thought of their first time having sex, that caused Shelby to blush. - … And the other days at the woods and at the waterfall… I saw the… the scars… on your thigh. - Shelby continued the same hesitantly tone, observing Toni´s expression changing from playful dirty to serious and pale. - Did you do them yourself? - The young christian softly questioned. 

Part of Shelby was expecting Toni to return to her hotheaded self, for the brunette to push her away and isolate herself once again. However, the aggressive screams and outbursts never came. Instead, Toni calmly disentangled their finger and brought both of her hands to her face, cleaning the remaining wet tears and scratching her puffy eyes while inhaling deeply. The brunette could feel the weight of the young christian's gaze at her as she rested her right hand at her left thigh, slowly tracing circles around the familiar scars on top of her thin camo shorts, as she brought her left hand to her lip, running her thumb thru her lower lip. There was no point in lying. 

_**—**_ I did. - Toni replied in a lower calmer tone, finally returning her gaze to Shelby´s worrying blue eyes. 

_**—**_ Why? - Shelby instinctively questioned in a gentle tone, holding the gaze. 

_**—**_ It's… It's hard to explain. - The brunette replied in the same calm tone, inhaling deeply while continuing to trace circles around the scars. 

_**—**_ Try… - The young christian pleaded in a soft tone, while her piercing blue eyes stared deep into the basketball player´s soul. Toni signed, pausing a moment in order to gather her thoughts while Shelby gave her an anxious look. 

_**—**_ It 's real… The pain in the flesh, it's real. It exists. - Toni started seriously, staring deeply into Shelby´s eyes. - Whenever I lose control…. when the anger is too much… The flesh is real. The pain is there. I can… I can feel it. It brings me back… Keeps me from fucking it up. - Toni finished in the same serious tone. 

Shelby shifted uncomfortably in the stone, gazing at the ocean. She could see the full moon reflected in the water. Becca Gilroy. It was all she could think about. Becca was often on the blonde´s mind, Shelby could not escape the guilt and confusion that constantly haunted her regarding Becca. The dreadful words she had utter to Becca, once best friend, in that ominous afternoon, that undoubtedly lead to Becca´s suicide. Shelby felt her heart racing inside her chest. What if the same thing happened to Toni? What if she hurts Toni the same way she hurted Becca? What if Toni commits suicide? She could not envision a world without Toni. Suddenly her breathing became shallow, she could feel that she was losing control. A strangely familiar feeling closing her throat, one that she had not experienced in years. Toni gave her a worried glance. 

_**—**_ What? - Toni questions in a concerned tone. - What´s it?! - She continued, slightly more panicked as Shelby´s breathing became worse. - Shit! Did you eat seafood? - The brunette continued in the same tone. - Fuck! I´ll get Dot, and the pilot's bag! It's… It's gonna be fine! - The basketball player stated in a desperate tone while gently trying to lay Shelby down at the rock so that she could go call for help. Shelby forced herself to remember Toni´s words: the worst had already fucking happened. They were together. It was something good. They would find a way out of that Godforsaken island. Toni was fine. They were alive. It was all that matter. Ever so slowly she managed to control her breathing enough to hold Toni´s arm and gave her a glance that meant that she should stay. Some painful seconds later, the young christian found her voice once again. 

_**—**_ It's… - Shelby forced herself to inhale deeply as she mentally counted to ten. - … Fine… I'm fine… It was just… A panic attack…. I´m fine… I´m fine. - The young christian stated in a slightly less trembling tone. Toni had wide eyes and remained stiff, prepared to jump from the stone and run through the beach calling for help at any given moment. - I haven't had a panic attack in years… - Shelby started in a soft tone, finally fully regaining her breath. - I had them sometimes, when I was little. Usually at the pageants… A little time before the presentations. Once I had once during our Little Christians Camp… Becca… She helped me through it. - The young christian continued in the same tone. 

_**—**_ Are you sure you are okay? - Toni questioned, still worried. 

_**—**_ I'm sure, I just… I have to talk to you about Becca… and the scars. - Shelby replied in a more serious tone, gazing at Toni. 

_**—**_ Okay… - Toni trailed off. 

_**—**_ Becca was… Well, she was my best friend. We grew up together. We went to the same church. Our parents were friends. She was nice. Funny. Becca went on a…  _ “trip to the dark side”. _ She… had depression. One day she… - Shelby cleared her throat, feeling the hot tears gathering in the corner of her eyes. - She came to my house… Cause I wanted to show her some new dress I got for a pageant. We… started talking, laughing and… I kissed her. - The blonde continued feeling the tears running down her cheekbones. Toni instinctively placed her hand on Shelby´s back, tracing small circles. - My father… He walked in right after the kiss and… I think he saw it. He told me to be careful… Her parents pressure her to tell them what happened, and she did… They decided to talk to my parents. - She sniffed, coming closer to Toni as the tears remained falling. - My father was  _ so _ mad at me. He… He wouldn't even look at me… He said that Kyle, one of the boys from our Bible Study Group, struggled with  _ “that lifestyle”  _ and that if he continued down that path he would be alone. That there would be no place for him in  _ “our community” _ … Then he said that me being alone was the last thing he and my mother would want for me… - The hot tears remained running down her cheekbones. - … I promised him that nothing had happened… That nothing would ever happen… He was so disappointed. Becca… She came over after that… to talk. - The was a pause. Shelby took a deep breath and locked eyes with Toni. - I was so awful to her, Toni… So terrible… I said horrible things… I didn't mean it… Any of it… I just… I was  _ so  _ scared… Scared of myself… of my parents… - The blonde trailed off sniffing again. - I… I told her we weren't friends… That I… I felt sorry for her… That I pitied her… That I was disgusted by her… That she… She was… Overly sexual… I told her to… To stay the fuck away from me… - The hot tears were carving holes down Shelby´s cheekbones. Toni had placed her arm around the young christian's shoulder, pulling her into a side hug. The blonde took a deep breath before she continued. - I swear I didn't mean it… I loved her… So so much… She… She… She… killed herself… in her car… Her mother found her… She was still alive when the ambulance brought her to the hospital… But she didn't make it… She killed herself because of me… Because of what I said… It was my fault… - Shelby trailed off, sniffing. Once she looked at Toni, the basketball player had tears in her eyes. The brunette held the blonde close, hugging her for a few seconds before Toni pulled away from the hug, cleaned the tears from her face with the back of her hand and took a deep breath. 

_**—**_ I'm sorry… So sorry about what happened. But… It wasn't your fault… - The brunette stated in a soft tone, earning a disbelief glance from Shelby, who was cleaning the tears from her own face and trying to pull herself together. - She was depressed… And you were scared… And… - Toni trailed off, not knowing what to say. The basketball player hugged the young christian again. 

_**—**_ I'm not fishing for pity… Or telling you this so that I can feel better about myself… - Shelby started in a calmer lower even tone. - I know that what I did was terrible… And I have to live with that for the rest of my life… I know that… - She continued in the same tone, giving Toni a small sad smile. - But I care about you so… so much. You are so important to me… And I don't know what I would do if I lost you, Toni… - She swallowed the knot that threatened to form in her throat, gently taking Toni´s right hand, once again, into her left one, entangling their fingers. - I don't know what I would do if… if you… killed yourself...

_**—**_ I won't! I would never. - Toni tried to reassure Shelby in an assertive tone, gaining a disbelief glance. - The scars… I do them to control the anger. Not to fuck it up… But I wouldn't kill myself. - The brunette continued in the assertive tone, gently squeezing the blonde´s hand.

_**—**_ The day everyone got food poisoning from those mussels… On day twelve... - Shelby started in a soft tone. 

_**—**_ When I heard you curse for the first time… And also when you pin me down to the ground,  _ for the first time _ …  _ \-  _ Toni playfully stated, giving Shelby a dirty wink. The young christian blushed, laughing. 

_**—**_ Toni! - Shelby embarrassedly called the brunette. - … Wait… You heard me curse? - The blonde questioned in a curious tone. 

Suddenly, the memories regarding the mussels poisoning appeared in Toni´s mind… 


End file.
